Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
