So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
