Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
