i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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