just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
