today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
