I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
