Well douche your snatch and let's go!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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