So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my poor anus
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
