Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
