You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
