we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
