Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
