how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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