She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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