glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
