I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
