Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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