I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
