M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
