My first STD was from a foam party
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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