My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
