Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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