Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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