Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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