Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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