someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
