No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
