Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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