dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
