is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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