Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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