Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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