Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
