Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
