I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
