Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
