I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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