Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
