Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
