but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
