The maid of honor just puked.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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