If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize