Screwed.edu
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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