p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
