Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
