maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
