Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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