it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
