the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
