I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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