i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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