The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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