I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
