If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
