apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
