I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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