So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize