I hate your face
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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