My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry about my life...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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