The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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