weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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