there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have post one night stand depression
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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