My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
