I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have feelings that need drinking.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night