I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.