Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
