pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.