I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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