Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.