ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself