we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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