in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
