Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
do nipples grow back?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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