I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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