You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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