I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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