So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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