Who did Billy Mays play for?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
