I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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