I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize