Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
